Casual sex can be a great way to spice up your life without the commitment of a long-term relationship. But, it’s important to keep emotions at bay and understand the etiquette of casual hookups.
It’s also important to have a safer sex kit, including condoms and dental dams. Here are some tips to help you get started: 1. Be open.
1. Be open
In casual sex, it’s important to be open about your intentions. It’s not a good idea to lie about what you want or expect from a hookup, because this can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It’s also not a good idea to share too much about yourself, especially your personal problems, with someone you are casually sleeping with. This kind of conversation is better left for your friends or your long-term partner, when you’re ready for a more serious relationship.
In addition to being honest about your goals, it’s important to be respectful of your casual sex partners. This is a big deal because it’s possible that your casual sex could turn into a romantic relationship. Badmouthing your partners or treating them like a hookup is not only a terrible look, but it’s also extremely disrespectful.
If you find that a casual sex partner isn’t right for you, it’s okay to cut ties. It’s not worth putting yourself in harm’s way just to see if the person can handle a more serious relationship.
2. Be honest
While it may be tempting to keep some feelings under wraps, it is never okay to lie to your hookup partner. Be open and honest about your intentions and sex goals. It’s important to be clear on whether you want to cuddle, spend the night or experiment with new positions. It’s also important to discuss any sensual preferences you have, including kinks and turn ons. If your partner isn’t down for the same things, then it’s best to move on. It’s also good to talk about condoms or dental dams before you get down to business.
Casual sex is a great way to explore fantasies and try new things, but it can quickly turn into something else if you don’t set appropriate boundaries. If you start hoping for a more serious relationship, that isn’t fair to your partner or to yourself.
In a similar vein, if you tell your partner that you are only looking for sex, but then they start asking questions about your parents or family history, or discussing controversial topics like politics or religion, you should end the encounter. Mix-ups and misunderstandings can lead to confusion and discomfort, not to mention STDs or STIs.
3. Be active
A partner you’re sexing with casually does not need to know about your work stressors, family drama or long-term goals. Save deep discussions for your friends, your wife or your long-term girlfriend. Instead, stick to topics that are sure to get you both excited for sex like sexual tastes and practices, arousal techniques and what you want from tonight’s encounter.
While sex in a relationship can offer intimacy, consistency and a deeper understanding of each other’s bodies, casual hookups can provide high levels of anticipation, thrill, sexual ecstasy and a healthy boost to your ego. To maximize your pleasure and keep it fresh, bring lube (try the pros-reviewed Promescent Delay Spray), wear a condom that feels good in your mouth and arousal, and become comfortable talking about sex as casual conversation.
If you’re looking for a fling, join a group of people who share similar interests and look out for events like hiking groups or tabletop gaming. Depending on your location, you may also be able to find casual-sex-themed parties and kinky clubs. To increase your chances of meeting the right people, consider getting sexy-ready with a few simple steps: Dress Sexy to Take His Breath Away, Get Fit to Tone Your Body and Work on Your Hygiene (bad odors are a huge turn-off). Make sure to carry a safer sex kit in case an opportunity presents itself unexpectedly.
4. Be respectful
Casual sex may feel less intimate than a long-term relationship, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be respectful of your partner. Especially in one-night stands, much goes unsaid and many signals are nonverbal. Listen carefully to your partner and don’t let them push you beyond your comfort zone. If they don’t respect your boundaries, cut ties immediately.
Talking openly about sexual taste and practices, and what turns you on is a good way to establish healthy physical and emotional boundaries. Remember to use condoms or dental dams, and that if you’re HIV negative or at risk for getting it, taking pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is essential to protect yourself.
Avoid cuddling, which can cause oxytocin, the neurotransmitter that triggers bonding, and blur the lines of what’s casual. Also, don’t get too chummy with your hookup in public or talk about anything that could be construed as romantic (unless that is your intention). Similarly, don’t make plans to hang out outside of sex. This can send mixed messages and lead to unwanted drama or a future long-term relationship.
5. Be safe
Casual sex is fun, but it’s important to be safe. Always use protection, such as condoms or dental dams, and make sure you change them frequently, especially after a sexual encounter. It’s also a good idea to talk about boundaries and expectations before having sexual experiences with a casual partner so that everyone is clear on what to expect.
You may not know your casual hookup as well as you would a long term partner or even a FWB, so it’s a good idea to have a screening process in place to ensure that you aren’t engaging with a potential predator or pedophile. You can do this by meeting for a drink first and taking note of the way they dress, speak, or chew their food.
Having a safer sex kit is also a great idea to keep on hand when you’re going out with a new partner. Your kit can include items like alcohol wipes, a safety scissor, and lube. Carrying a kit is a way to demonstrate your sexual agency and show that you are committed to being safe.
